Introducing Finn

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I know I’ve referenced a few times here over the past week that I can’t really call this blog, ‘Mom of 3 Girls’ anymore.

Finn is one of the reasons why.

Last year, our oldest child came out as agender, essentially not associating with either male or female genders. They prefer to use they/them pronouns, which was odd to get used to at first. It was strange, since I usually had considered they/them to be pronouns describing multiple people, not just one. But over the past few months I’ve gotten used to it and don’t usually have trouble remembering anymore.

They also have changed the name that they go by – using Finn now, instead of Abbi. Their legal name is still the same, at least for now. I do expect that they’ll change it as well at some point.

Honestly? I wasn’t completely surprised. This child of mine has always been a completely unique personality who does their own thing and has never cared what other people think. They were never a ‘girly girl’ or even really a ‘tomboy’. Just themselves.

Finn prefers to dress in pants. Jeans for casual wear and dress pants with a men’s dress shirt and vest with bow tie for dressier occasions. But sometimes they like to wear nail polish. Their hair is cropped short and from time to time they dye the top blonde. That took a little getting used to at first, but I almost missed it when it grew out and got cut off. They’re planning on dyeing it again in the next couple of weeks.

So what else is Finn up to lately? They are a senior in high school, and have been accepted to Florida State University and the University of Michigan. Michigan is their ‘dream’ school and the one they’ve chosen. Finn has always had a fascination with weather and storms. As a small child, they were absolutely terrified of thunderstorms and tornadoes. Over time, they turned that fear into an obsession with learning more about them, and now into a career decision to be a meteorologist.

Finn does really well in science and math, but also loves to write and draw. They took an art class in school last semester and this semester is learning computer graphic design. They have two AP classes this year – AP Physics and AP Calculus. And are maintaining a 3.9 grade point average. They are participating in Science Olympiad again this year, volunteers once a week at the local Humane Society, plus are active in our school’s Pride Alliance and is holding down a part-time job.

I can’t even begin to say how proud I am of this eldest child of mine. They do all of the above, and are one of the most caring people I know. They struggle with anxiety and OCD and have been diagnosed as very high-functioning on the autism spectrum (what would previously have been considered a mild case of Asperger’s). I do worry how the upcoming changes with heading off to college this fall will go, but I’m very happy that they’re able to stay in-state. Finn has chosen not to learn to drive, so we’re very glad that Ann Arbor and U of M have a wonderful public transportation system.

As a parent, I can’t help but worry about my child. But I am fully supportive of their choices and am grateful that they have an amazing group of friends who all look out for each other too. I know the world won’t always be kind to Finn. It can take a lot of bravery to embrace your true self and put it out there into the world.

This is my Finn.